February 28, 2008
“Take me back to a time once told, when home was home and pain unknown, take me back to the empty space when dreams were being cherished, what happened to those days? I want to be where the dreamers lie, to run around in circles and dance til we die. Take me back, to the dreamer again…” (Audrey Ann Tom)
Every so often, when we look forward into the future, we must take a moment and reflect upon the past. The past, while full of both joys and sorrows; are also full of the footprints of the Lord as He has journeyed with us. As I reflect upon the past, I realize the many dreams that have come to fruition and the many dreams that have not. And in the midst of that realization, I have to ask myself when was the last time I let myself dream? I am beginning to realize what the Lord meant when He wrote “old men will dream dreams…” (Joel 2:28) I’ve often seen dreams as something childish, reserved for the youth who have so much future ahead of them. But I wonder if the Lord meant it to be something also for those who feel they have so much history behind them… perhaps the dreamer was never meant to be left in the past, but meant to be lived out and carried into our futures. I pray the Lord would restore unto me the dreamer again.
January 30, 2008
“Dora’s changed a lot.” I had just shared with a student how his roommate, whom I have had the divine privilege of working with for the full 3 years of my staff career, has changed immensely. His response was to share with me that his roommate actually said that I had changed a lot. I was taken aback. Slightly offended by this comment. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked myself? “Oh, I must be such a good staff worker that I have led this student to take such high ownership of his own personal relationship with Christ that I have caused him to believe that I am the one who is changing,” I thought to myself. And as I engaged in the internal dialogue within my own mind, I felt the Lord beginning to tug on my heart; reminding me of lessons He had taught me over and over again throughout the course of my life. I remembered how He brought me overseas on a missions project I believed was so that I could change the world; when in fact He had, in His deep grace and mercy, brought me halfway across the world, not to change the world through me, but to change me. And I began to remember even my call and process of coming onto staff work, and how strong the conviction was that the Lord wanted me on staff really to change me. Sometimes it is easier to believe that we are the learned with everything to teach rather than the learner; constantly molded and changed by the potter. I am grateful and encouraged that the Lord has changed me in the past three years, and that He will continue to change me in years to come. Its a constant struggle to lay down the self absorbed messiah complex I often carry, and instead fall at the feet of the Messiah and let Him save me daily and let Him save others daily as well. Praise God that He does not leave us where we are but brings us on a journey of constant change.
